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The Great God Pan

Posted by Bob on June 5, 2011

Hello, wonderful audience!

We have taken many voyages together.

We have traveled to distant destinations.

We have become different people.

We have gone against the usual current to other times.

We have explored the limits that your universe has to offer in differences of size, feeling the weight of a proton in one hand while later disturbing the starry film of a galaxy with the other.

The common thread was seeing a different perspective.

Please come with me once again.

You are everything in this new universe.

There is no emptiness at all, because everything that is, is filled up by you.

There is no where to go.  Because you are already everywhere.

There is nothing, not even space, other than you to be empty.

You have no height.

No width.

No length.

Zero dimensions.

You are a single point in a universe that is a single point.

You cannot see anything.  Because there is nothing outside of yourself to see.

You ARE the universe.

You seem bored.

I would be a poor host to leave you like this for long.

So I come up and stretch your universe out from a point.

Your universe is now a line.

Now at least you have one dimension in which to move.

You can see, but your view is only the point to your right and to your left.

If I was to put my hand into your universe, it would seem to you that a wall suddenly closed off everything to one side of you.  This is because you would not be able to see my hand approaching (because my hand is not yet in your universe to see), but when I intersect your line I would suddenly block off EVERYTHING in that direction.

Then, when I pull my hand away, it would suddenly disappear to you.

You cannot look up or down, because they do not exist.

Would you like for them to?

Okay.

I stretch your universe once again.

Now you exist in a plane.

Your cosmos has both length and width.

You now have two dimensions in which to play!

Your vision includes a line that encircles you.

This is because you can only look around you in your plane.

Imagine if I was to drop a cube through your plane universe.

You could not look up to see it’s approach.  Because you do not have an up.

When the part of the cube first enters your world, it would appear without warning to you.

Floating in the middle of  nothing.


As the cube passes through, it would appear to you as if it grows, then shrinks, then simply pops back out of existence.

In fact, it would not even look like a cube to you at all.

As the cube falls out of your universe, you can no longer see it.

Your universe doesn’t have an up or down, so you can’t look there.

Would you like an up and down?

Okay, since I am such a gracious host, I will supply your constant demands for additional dimensions.

How might this third dimension look to you?

Exactly like the home to which you have grown accustomed.

Length, width, and height.

You have returned to where you began!

Everything looks normal.

Imagine if out of curiosity, you were to look back to the denizens of your recent travels.

You could see the pulsing, all encompassing God of no dimensions.

You could see the creatures oscillating along the one dimensional line world.

You could see the internal organs of the creatures in the Flat World that you had just departed, because they only have a thin line of skin to protect them from the thin line of their environment.

Wait.

If you can see inside of someone with one fewer dimension than you, does that mean that someone with one more dimension could see your insides?

We stopped our journey at your dimension number.

What if we had kept going?



What else could be out there?

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Pleasure

Posted by Bob on March 22, 2011

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Do you remember Linus, from the oddly named “Peanuts” cartoon?

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Why was he always carrying that blanket?
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Perhaps it gave him pleasure.
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Imagine him when he is nineteen years old, and has decided to join the armed forces of this country.

While he is being trained, do you think that he will still have his blanket with him?

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Probably not.

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Why?

What changed?

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As he aged, he learned to close his eyes and think of his beloved blanket.

He has constructed a copy of his blanket in his own mind.

He has the ability to hold the memory of his blanket at any time.

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He can control his own emotions.

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Without even consciously thinking about it, when he is experiencing the stresses of his sergeant yelling at him while trying to prepare him to face the dangers of protecting our country, he can look into his own wonderful mind to counter the pain of reality with the warm memories of his youth.

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Humans need a constant supply of pleasure.

We can get pleasure from reality.

Often, people who have had a happy childhood, full of kind words, smiling faces, and full bellies have learned the ability to get pleasure from their mind.

Simply by going into their happy inner world and enjoying the images, sounds, and even smells that they have created.

These items that we have copied from reality into our memories are called “self objects”.

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Not everyone has this ability.

Imagine if someone has nothing but barren, horrible memories.

Since humans need a constant supply of pleasure, and this person cannot supply themselves with pleasure themselves, how do they act?

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Might they constantly demand that others agree with them, in order to gain the pleasure of being adored?

Might they demean those around them, in order to feel the pleasure of being better by comparison?

Might they become enraged when their insistence on being correct is challenged by someone who disagrees with them?

Might they seek to punish women who dare to have sex by forcing them to keep their unwanted children, just as they were unwanted?

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In order to learn, we must first admit that we were wrong.

Then we can change and get better.

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Sadly, people with a certain level of arrogance take assistance as an insult.

“How dare you say that I don’t know something!”.

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Imagine seeing someone stranded on the side of the road.

You have had car trouble in the past.

So you stop to help.

The person becomes enraged!

“How dare you imply that I need help!”.

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This might even explain how some view politics.

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When it comes to properly identifying who is harming this country by blowing the budget, ruining the freedoms that make this country wonderful, and pissing off everyone else on the planet with our arrogance, the behavior of these damaged people affects us all.

The car example is not useful in describing politics because we are all affected by the policies of our government.

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We are all in this together.

We cannot simply agree to disagree because decisions must be made.

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.In the case of politics, a better example would be if we were all passengers in an airplane and the pilot has a heart attack.


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We are all in jeopardy.

Someone must fly the plane NOW.

We cannot simply agree to disagree on who will fly.

A conservative insists on flying, even though he does not know how.

However, you are trained as a pilot.

You say that you should fly, because you know what you are doing.

He becomes enraged!

How dare you imply that he might need help!

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When we have these conversations about religion, science and politics, it is not just a stranger trying to be helpful.

It is someone selfishly protecting this wonderful country for themselves.

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And for our children.

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How should we decide who flies our plane?

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Posted in Politics | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Post with pictures

Posted by Bob on February 3, 2011

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Hello all!

I get so many friendly people, sometimes from Nigeria, asking for my name, where I live, my social security number, my credit card numbers, the maiden name of my mother, a picture of me, and a copy of my birth certificate.

These requests are often initially accompanied by compliments, then promises,and eventually insults.

I have to admit, the insults using information that they have already learned from me are the most persuasive to cause me to reveal personal information to strangers off the net.

It is like saying “Thanks for telling me your grandmothers phone number!  Now I am now going to tell her that you got syphilis from raping gorillas unless you tell me your mom’s maiden name!”.

One of my favorite insults is being called a “Luciferian”.

How do they know that I am a Luciferian?

Er, I mean, nothing.  I am just like you.  Yes.  Just a normal Earth life form.

Oh, I mean, person.

Yes.

(me whistling nervously)

Darn it!  You have seen through my clever ruse.  Oh, well.

Now I have no choice but to break down and tell you who I am.  I have to admit, I am a little anxious.

I am a part of the cabal, The Illuminati, The Trilateral Commission, The Honeycomb Hideout, that tricked the world into placing Barack Hussein Obama into the White House.

This means that I don’t have any pesky identifying documents except those produced by the secret organization that faked President Obama being born in the United States.  He was actually born in Kenya, and they had to set up the elaborate ruse because they knew that he was eventually going to become President of the United States fifty years later.

If they were just a little smarter they would have simply flown him to Hawaii instead of faking it.

I am hesitant to share this because no one ever believes me when I tell them that my drivers license is from Kenya.

And yes, President Obama’s real name is bob.  It is a contraction of bARACK obAMA.  Surely you have noticed this before!  You can tell us apart because my name is exactly like his, only spelled backwards.

That is why I am always trying to trick you Earthicans into accepting the slavery that is health care.  THEN I WILL RULE YOU ALL!!!!

Well, now for the pictures.

 

 

 

 

Here I am walking on a cloudy day.

Here I am walking on a cloudy day.

(Ah, the smell of friendship. Or freshly mowed doggy doo.)

 

 

 

 

Here is a picture of me getting an x ray.

(Does this picture make me look fat?)

 

 

 

 

Here I am in a steamy sauna.

(Why isn't anyone else naked?)

 

 

 

Here I am in a Playboy pictorial.

(Can you tell that I have been airbrushed?)

 

 

 

(Outsmarted by Glenn Beck again.)

 

 

Here I am looking to your left, in order to appear nonchalant while paranoid schizophrenics are talking about the pending Luciferian alien invasion, and how it ties in to the socialist communist Nazi horrors of people being able to be treated for their cancer in the United States.  You can’t see it, but I am actually whistling “Ride of the Valkyries” in order to REALLY look like I’m not nervous because the conspiracy between me, President Obama, and the guy who did the voice overs on The Wonder Years has been discovered.

 

 

 

 

Daniel Stern

(You said you were on the pill!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here is the voice over guy, since I’m coming clean.  Daniel Stern, if I’m goin’ down, I’m takin’ everyone else with me!  The strange look on his face is because I just told him that I’m pregnant and he is the father.

 

 

 

Wow!

I feel so much better.

Coming clean, it is like getting a weight lifted off of my chest.

And now that I have caved into those who want my personal information, maybe everyone will stop being such meanie heads to me.

That is how it works, right?

🙂

Posted in Satire | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »